It’s no secret that I hate Valentine’s Day.

Sure, I could go on about the corporatization of this made-up pagan holiday. Sure, I could rant about the idiocy of associating chocolate and flowers with romance. And it’s in February, that cold miserable month where everyone is always sick and cold. Besides, I freaking hate pink. I also hate cherubs and cupids and any sort of fat flying baby with wings. Check out one of my favorite blogs: Ugly Renaissance Babies.

Disclaimer: I’m single. My last relationship ended in a… Well, it was a bit bloody. Left me feeling pretty mutilated, to say the least. All the same, I hated Valentine’s Day when I wasn’t single. I guess it’s just the expectations that piss me off, the expectations of gifts and songs and flowers. It’s not romantic if it’s an expectation. 

And if you’re single and brokenhearted like yours truly at the moment, this holiday makes you want to throw yourself off a cliff. 

So, I’m putting together a Valentine’s Day survival playlist because tomorrow’s going to suck. Tomorrow we will all be particularly sensitive to romance and mushiness and crap. Doesn’t help that they’ve been playing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” on repeat. Cue the whimpering sobs of “Yeah?!? If you will always love me than why’d you dump me without any warning and run off to another timezone to immediately hook up with THAT TRAMP!?!?!” So, instead of drowning our sorrows in alcohol and/or chocolate, let’s be proactive. I’m passing along the playlist that’s going to get me through Valentine’s Day. It’s a little bit of a bitterness and a little bit of self-esteem, kicking off with “Why are you such a spineless bastard” and ending with “I’m doing just fine without you.” Cheers.

1. “The Mixed Tape” by Jack’s Mannequin
   Starting a playlist with a song about a playlist. That’s pretty meta. All the same, this is me sitting here compiling songs that could sink the sun. 
2. “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette
   Find me an Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist without this song and I’ll be impressed. Good ol’ Alanis, the undeniable queen of vengeful heartbreak.
3. “Dickhead” by Kate Nash
   Not for the faint of heart. Ms. Nash doesn’t hold back, and I admire her for that. Sometimes you have your heart broken by a total dickhead, and there’s no other word for illustrating that. 
4. “Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)” by Fall Out Boy
   Really, anything off of FOB’s major debut Take This To Your Grave belongs on an Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist. Excellent music for the pissed-off broken heart. You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true.
5. “The Fake, The Snake, And The Birthday Cake” by Punchline
   Good ol’ pop-punk with a bite. I’m not the only one that thinks you’re only hip as in hypocrite and critically unacclaimed. 
6. “Every Man Has A Molly” by Say Anything
   Girl breaks up with boy because his songs about her are too personal. Boys takes revenge by writing very personal song about girl and their sex life. It’s petty and clever and the perfect prescription for heartbreak.
7. “When You’re Around” by Motion City Soundtrack
   That awkward moment when love entirely disintegrates and you can’t fucking stand it when he/she’s around. 
8. “Seventy Times 7” by Brand New
   Presenting the best break up song of all time. No one excels at being angry like Jesse Lacey, and “Seventy Times 7” has become a timeless classic for anyone who knows anything about pop punk… or anyone who’s ever had their heart broken. So is that what you call a getaway? 
9.  ”Don’t Ask Me” by OK Go
   Sure, OK Go didn’t get their start until they started dancing on treadmills, but their first album is actually phenomenal. This stand-out track is the best song I’ve ever heard about running into an ex. 
10. “Down With Love” by Bobby Darin
    A lot of songs performed by Bobby Darin and his contemporaries are about the moon and June and roses and rainbow’s ends, but this classic says we should liquidate love and all its friends. I’m cool with that. 
11. “Rolling In The Deep” by Adele
    I got chills the first time I heard this song, so I can only imagine how Miss Adele Adkins’ boyfriend felt when he heard it. Easily one of the best anthems from the past few years.
12. “Picture To Burn” by Taylor SwiftShut up. I know I’m not the typical T-Swizz fan, but I like this song. This isn’t just punch-a-hole-in-your-wall music; this is punch-a-hole-in-your-ex-boyfriend’s-face music. I think we’ve all been there.
13. “Moneygrabber” by Fitz & The Tantrums
    He calls her a cheap dime whore. I think we can infer they didn’t exactly part on amicable terms. 
14. “Uncharted” by Sara Bareilles
    This is where they playlist starts to get a bit of a Gloria Gaynor “I Will Survive” vibe. This is where the self-esteem anthems kick off.
15. “Right As Rain” by Adele
     Maybe not the most optimistic song, but Adele makes it quite clear that she has cried her heart out and she is done with love. It’s nice to have a song for once that claims responsibility for being alone. So many people treat loneliness as a disease that needs to be cured, but Adele makes the conscious decision to be a single, independent human being. Cheers to that, sister.
16. “Girls Like Me” by Bonnie Hayes
    I’ve written about this song before, and it’s no secret why: this is my self-esteem boost in a three-minute punch of unapologetic girl power.
17. “Break The Sky” by The Hush Sound
    The perfect song for closing out an empowering Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist. Greta Salpeter’s soft, clear vocals and lilting piano make it quite clear that she doesn’t need anyone else and that’s perfectly okay.   

BONUS: Artists Whom You Should Avoid Under All Circumstances For Feb. 14

• Death Cab for Cutie.
  “Summer Skin”? “The Ice Is Getting Thinner”? God forbid you pull up “Brothers On A Hotel Bed” or “What Sarah Said.” Death Cab might be a good choice if you’re young and in love, but if you’ve ever been broken up with (and I mean, ever), you need to stay away from Ben Gibbard and his pontifications about lost love. The last thing you need is to ask yourself who’s going to watch you die. Cue the sobbing.
• Adele
  Adele’s Grammy-winning 21 should come with a warning label. I mean, “Take It All” can reduce me to tears in a matter of minutes. Don’t even get me started on “Someone Like You.” You’re probably safe with something like “Rolling In The Deep,” as it’s more of an independent anthem, but generally I’d advise sticking to her first album, 19, as Adele is young and naive and not as brokenhearted.